By Susan Crimmins, Feb 7 2017 09:46PM
After a lengthy period of experiencing flip-flops (180 degree changes) and looping, I’ve decided to move! For months in my meditations there has been the suggestion of a move and I have spent too many hours wondering how geography would call me to my next location. Researching different locales, feeling like it would have to be in nature, yet close to urban cultures, I began to fantasize about how wonderful it could be to be with horses around the clock in a setting that facilitated their being horses.
However, as soon as I started fantasizing, other, less positive, thoughts began to come into my consciousness. How could I possibly have a place with horses? I know SO little about their physical needs, so little about medical anything really, as it has been a known area of “tuning out” for me historically. I questioned my competence, my commitment and my courage in manifesting this dream. In short, I enacted an energetic cancelling or back-stepping reversal about what I wished to manifest. When I realized what I was doing, I began to laugh, then cry—releasing emotions that characterized a familiar dance of mine for too many years. The words “obstacles in my path,” came into my mind, and I knew then that I had to clear my head. How many of us have impeded our own progress by getting in our own way?
Always searching for ways to reveal and heal, I decided to attend a Constellations weekend (the renowned work of Bert Hellinger), where I envisioned some answers would appear. An ardent believer in and practitioner of energy healing, I knew some answers lived in the depths of my consciousness, yet my engagement in the density of the physical world, of late, had been interfering with my ability to access them.
In one particular Constellation enactment, I was guided to connect with my soul’s longing. So when my soul showed up in the constellation as standing separate from my beliefs about the people I thought I needed for my moving forward with horses, I was taken back! In fact, my soul was dancing, as light as a feather, in a swan like fashion that captured my attention in a sensory, mesmerizing way, which elicited tears of relief—I CAN DO THIS! I continued to watch my soul turn in a direction that I had not considered, and was amazed to notice, that although obstacles were present, my soul did not seem to be the least bit concerned about them. I then “heard” my soul whisper that “obstacles are a part of any path involving change or forward movement.” Nothing unusual here, so no need to fret or concern myself with their presence, as they know enough to resolve themselves or to redirect with an ease uniquely all their own.
The constellation also revealed that I had taken on the burden of some “ancestral obstacles,” which did not belong to me—a misappropriation of roles, if you will, where my energy was being spent without any possibility of resolution until I handed back the burden. Spinning in someone else’s belief system requires clear discernment and differentiation as we sort out what is ours and what is something we acquired without our conscious realization. How many times has the opinion or belief system of another influenced our own energetic movement? How many times have we opted for people, places and things which will hinder rather than enhance our life force?
When I became aware that my limitations were self imposed and belonged in another time to other beings, I experienced a sense of embodied liberation and hope. Somehow this was a remarkable “aha” moment for me, as a flood of emotion came forward with relief at its core! It was my mind that had kept me stagnant and stuck and living less than my heart’s desire. I had taken up residence in a house of limiting beliefs convincing myself that I could not move forward because there were too many obstacles in my path. I mistakenly thought they all had to be removed or resolved before I could take action. I had allowed ordinary rocks to grow into boulders in my mind’s eye.
Instead, my soul suggested taking an action, any action, to see what would be revealed next. With each step, something else would be revealed, and any obstacles that showed up would ultimately just be a part of the process of change. I began to laugh at my long held beliefs about obstacles, as I came to recognize that they are great teachers to learn about one’s sense of commitment and trust! Commitment to my soul’s calling and trusting that when we are in alignment, the universe moves at breakneck speed to support and to facilitate the necessary resources coming into focus. Following soul advice, I began to meet new people to spread word of my vision and to explore different ways that I could be with horses in a variety of settings and scenarios.
I knew then it was time to move and to leave my house of limiting beliefs in exchange for a bigger space that had a landscape of limitless possibilities. Universal laws suggest that external conditions mirror and reflect internal ones. If I wanted my external environment to shift, I first had to shift my internal environs. This internal move was a necessary one to get out of my own way in order that my soul could take its place in a more fluid, rhythmic dance, as it had in the constellation. My old house only allowed one view, which centered on obstacles to the extent that I could no longer see what existed beyond them. My new house has a panoramic view that encourages vistas more captivating than my imagination can conjure up. The surrender to beliefs that are large, ridiculous and beyond what one can dream now characterizes my days. With eyes wide open, my vision is clear as I see the horses grazing in the foreground, while I sit on the porch swing manifesting my soul’s next movement ever grateful that my soul sprinted forward and inspired my courage to move.