Leave Room For Miracles
By Susan Crimmins, Jul 20 2015 11:40PM
In 2013 I was diagnosed with having an autoimmune disorder. This was really surprising and upsetting news, to say the least. While I always knew that my family genetics were less than robust, I went along, like most people, living day to day and hoping that I would not be touched by the challenges of my lineage. As with any autoimmune disorder, stress can exacerbate it and of course, good nutrition, regular exercise and overall quality of life can mediate it. So, I left my doctor’s office with an intention of moving more into alignment with “who I really am,” and realizing that I had to leave some unhealthy ways of living behind me. I then embraced this diagnosis as just another chapter in my healing journey, knowing that more lessons would be revealed along the way.
By 2014, my “condition” had progressed as indicated by blood work and I began to become symptomatic. Nothing major, mostly fatigue and some weight gain. Since I am an integrative healer, one who is interested in combining the best of both allopathic and alternative medicines, I began to investigate possibilities of whether this condition was something that could be reversed or healed via less conventional methods. Western medicine already had determined that the likelihood of healing this was zilch—no such thing. “Once you have it, you always have it, “ as stated by a medical specialist. I then consulted with my integrative physician, who shared his experience that fully reversing this particular disorder was less than a 20% chance at the cost of a $10,000 protocol that was complicated and unforgiving in its rigor. It looked like the process of healing via this particular method was going to stress me more than support me. I began to wonder what was the message in having all these roadblocks showing up. I concluded that I just needed to keep researching other possibilities.
In January 2015, I reached a fork in the road. Increasingly debilitating symptoms began to interfere with my daily routine. I had little energy anymore, and could function less and less without taking a nap each day. More blood work revealed a worsening of the disorder, and now going on medication seemed like the best way to manage these symptoms in a way that would allow me to live with more energy. I yielded to this solution, although I felt defeated. I was interested in a cure, not a treatment of symptoms. So I took the prescription, filled it and brought my longing into meditation.
Although I meditated twice daily, nothing came—at least, nothing that I could decipher as a possible way to heal. Discouraged, I went about doing “my part” with nutrition and increasing my exercise regimen, so at least I could experience a sense of agency. It was definitely a time whereby my trusting the universe was put to the test, and I found myself renewing my prayer and meditation practice as well.
Then at the end of March I attended an advanced equine workshop where the theme was to develop one’s intuition and to facilitate communication with ancestors—both horse and human. While I thought I was ready for anything when it comes to horses, what happened on that third day with a most remarkable horse was nothing short of a miracle. Each day of the workshop, a horse selected a human and for three days in a row, the same horse, Indigo Moon, selected me. A bit unusual since other participants were rocking along with varied, talented horses. Still, Indigo Moon, aka Indie, is one of my best teachers, so I trusted that he had a reason for his selection.
In the round pen sessions during the workshop, the focus was supposed to be an honoring of the horse’s needs, not the human’s. Indie had a different idea. During all three days, the focus was on me, no matter how hard I tried to ascertain what he might need or want. I was getting frustrated. Finally, the human facilitator suggested that some horses just like to teach, and so, this IS what HE wants. Perhaps I can just follow his lead with regard to what I need to learn, and see what happens next?
So on the third day, when Indie was scheduled for HIS healing with HIS chiropractor, our facilitator suggested that I bring Indie over to her to see if she had any wisdom to share about my very strong bond with him during this workshop. While escorting Indie over, he was clearly animated and kept looking at me while I told him that I was excited to meet his healer and to get a better sense of what characterized our deep connection from her perspective.
Upon meeting his doctor, she immediately heard from Indie that he wanted ME to have a healing from her and only then would he have his healing. When she said this out loud, I got chills, looked at Indie, who was nodding his head up and down and could barely keep still! Indie looked me straight in the eyes, and I heard “Please?” I consented, not knowing what was in store, as I was not understanding how a chiropractic treatment would benefit me?
I stood for the healing, with Indie “in my pocket.” It is worth mentioning here that Indie is NOT a horse who is a fan of much physical contact, yet his breath was on mine as he hovered over my right shoulder—watching and waiting for the doc to begin the healing. Turns out that the healing was shamanic in form, that is, it was based upon natural elements of intuitive knowing where time has no meaning. With hands on my chest and solar plexus, the human healer picked up that I had an autoimmune disorder, which I had brought in with me from another lifetime. “Did I wish for this to be gone?” Before I could answer, Indie began vigorously nodding his head up and down and we had to settle him a bit and thank him for his input before I was able to say “YES!” With verbalization that made no sense to me, I could feel the healing energy coming into my body and started to feel lightheaded as Indie steadied me with his body leaning against mine.
I recall few details from that moment forward, but I know that I could sense that something was, indeed, different. I felt lighter, more buoyant, and less dense in my physical body. I could feel something indescribable leaving me. I had tears—of joy mostly, and some nagging thoughts about whether this was going to work? How is this possible? And tons of other errant chatter that the mind will engage in while the body, heart, and soul are healing. One look in Indie’s eyes, quieted my mind, and I laughed while I recognized that this is what he was trying to teach me. Trust my soul. Trust my intuition. Trust the inherent goodness in the universe. Trust the ancestors. Trust my prayers. Trust that ANYTHING can be healed when the conditions and timing are right. And most certainly, trust my relationship with Indie, my guide. After the healing was complete, it also was clear that my soul contract with Indie was complete as well. I had allowed him to teach me what needed to be taught, and I received what he so clearly knew would help me move forward with life. I thanked my hero with a huge hug and a humbled heart.
I rested for days afterward while I experienced dreams I could not recall, and when I returned home, people were noticing how my energy was calmer. I was more in my heart, more in my body and more people were drawn to me. My business began to blossom, and I began to engage in more activities that brought me joy, while stepping away from those that brought me tension. However, was I healed medically? Would this healing translate into results that Western medicine could measure? I wondered.
Subsequently, results from more blood drawn in May 2015 revealed that I do NOT have an autoimmune disorder. The new specialist said I never had one, so I had to return to him in June with the three independent POSITIVE blood result readings compiled between 2013 and 2014, which revealed that I DID have an autoimmune disorder. To be clear, it is a simple dichotomous reading of yes or no, not a continuous measure. One test he ruled out as unreliable. Okay, now we are down to two positive, independent results, which in science is hard to rule as two false positives—highly improbable. When I told him about my shamanic healing with Indie and the chiropractor, his comment was “That is not within my paradigm of expertise.” Okay, I can respect that doc, then HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN the reversal in blood results? He simply said, “I can’t,” to which I replied, “well, I always like to leave room for miracles.”
Love this! Thank you for your ongoing gifts of wisdom and inspiration!!
I am remembering how I used to tell others, and myself, to “Expect a Miracle!” I realize with your story, I’ve backed away from that a little. I like “leave room for a miracle” better. The expectation is still there...just a little more mysterious. Especially we can never predict from where or in what form the miracles appear. Namaste to you and to Indie!