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Be safe, be seen, be supported

THE PRACTICE OF

BE-ING

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Welcome to my blog!

 

This blog is a collection of my thoughts and observations. For more information about my practice, click HERE.

By Susan Crimmins, May 12 2017 11:44PM

When co-facilitating healing sessions with horses and humans, I never know what to expect, but a recent session traveled outside of the box that I have come to regard as “familiar.” As always, I mentioned to the horses that a human was coming, who was having some challenges with a devastating loss. As such, a client requested assistance in moving through his grief regarding the sudden and untimely passing of a loved one with whom he had a special bond. Before entering with the horses, the ***client expressed confusion as to whether his loved one was still around and whether his heart would ever mend from this sudden and inexplicable loss. I explained that I had no answers, however, the questions were good ones and so, I encouraged the client to bring the questions to the horses who stepped forward to do the work.


When we came to introductions with the herd, an opportunity for both human and horse to meet and to decide where most of the energy is present for a healing connection, the horses took a different path. Five of the nine horses stepped forward with a very curious and persistent energy that was reflective of their having something to convey to the human. While I have seen this often, I never have witnessed what came next.


Not one horse elected to leave the paddock to come forward with the client in either the round pen or the arena as was typical for healing sessions. Never had this occurred before. I felt my breath go shallow and wondered what to do. Oh geez, a non-session? So I took a few deep breaths, and decided to ask one of the herd members what he recommended I do in this situation. Immediately, an answer arrived into my consciousness that more than one horse would respond to this client’s needs. Once I received this message, a tag-teaming sequence then revealed itself, as if the Herd had consulted and conspired as to how they would address this particular loss.


Pirate
Pirate

From inside of his stall, Pirate, a feisty Mustang, purposefully began exploring with his mouth the nearby client’s head in a circular motion that initially appeared to be grooming. Upon further notice, however, it clearly appeared that Pirate was intent upon opening the person’s crown chakra. The client immediately recognized what was occurring when he exclaimed, “he’s opening my chakra,” as we previously had discussed portals to what exists in non-physical form and he then mentioned that Pirate brought him laughter—something that had been missing since his loved one had passed.


Beau
Beau

The next horse, Beau, a thoroughbred, was instrumental in inviting the client into his paddock with his high whinny and allowing him to be nuzzled while the client asked whether his loved one was present. “Is she here?” and the answer came as a clear, loud yes as Beau suddenly stared over the client’s shoulder to where the loved one hovered ever so gently, as evidenced by a “cold spot.” The client began to cry and Beau bowed his head, almost in reverence to what was occurring. I stood a healthy distance away, offering deep breaths as we witnessed this poignant moment of facilitated connection between the worlds.


After leaving Beau’s paddock we moved over to the paddock where El Nuki and his female companion, Gracie, reside. At first Nuki seemed a bit disinterested in the client, however, when the person stepped away from Nuki and moved over across the chasm (a small dry gutter that appeared ravine or bridge-like), Nuki quickly stepped forward with a curiosity that indicated something was ready to occur. Gracie soon joined him at the back of the corral facing the human, while both hanging their heads over the fence. Just on the other side of the bridge, stood AJ, a stately thoroughbred, who was quite vocal in his calling to the human. The man literally stood on the bridge and expressed that he did not know which side was calling to him more, Gracie and Nuki, or AJ, and therefore, did not know in which direction to turn.

Bridge Area
Bridge Area

As I stood at a distance observing the horses’ behavior, I received a download of information that suggested the posturing of the man seemed to be a clear gateway stance between heaven and earth. As a result, I encouraged the man to take his time in sensing what was occurring in his body and to trust his heart in deciding what wants to happen next. His tears then flowed as he said, “I MUST be with AJ right now. He has something important to show me.”

AJ
AJ

We then entered AJ’s paddock and I witnessed a most remarkable exchange between AJ and this man. AJ immediately approached and nuzzled him with great vigor as if he recognized him from somewhere. The two were eagerly greeting each other and the client reached in to hug AJ, who allowed it for a minute, then abruptly disengaged and walked away. At this moment, the client burst into tears claiming, “That is HER; she is HERE! He is showing me that! She never liked me to hug her for more than a moment. She only liked brief amounts of touch.” I stood, I watched, I listened, fascinated to see what would happen next. Once the client received the message, AJ then decided to roll and then shook it all off when he stood, as he continued to lick and chew (a sign of release in horses.) He then came back over to the client as I heard Gracie and Nuki beginning to nicker where they once so silently stood to watch, never averting their gaze from what AJ and the man were doing.

AJ
AJ

The man realized that his loved one had not left him as he had thought. “That was DEFINITELY her! I know it!” I also know I have to leave now to go back to my life, as he pointed to Gracie and Nuki. Those two are still on earth and I have to continue loving them and allowing them to love me.” He thanked AJ for showing him what is real and apologized out loud for doubting that connection remains even when physical form leaves.

Nuki
Nuki

Gracie
Gracie

The client then left AJ and hurried down the walkway to join Nuki and Gracie, as they waited to meet him at the gate. When he entered, both horses lovingly circled him, and once again, he was unsure which horse to turn to first. I suggested that he might want to stay in the middle and soak up all the love coming toward him from all angles, left, right, front, back and above. He agreed and they all spent the remaining time together in a silent group huddle with audible tears emanating from the man.


Mystical team healings of grief, nothing I ever could have thought of in my wildest dreams. Demonstrated evidence of self care among the herd, as they parceled out the healing, so that no one horse did too much, and/or perhaps their collective wisdom that messages from several of them might be more convincing to the human than just one of them? Invaluable lessons here: to remain open to the mystery, the importance of having a community/tribe upon which we can rely for shared responsibility/support, and a reminder that while death is a loss of physical form, the essence of those we love, lives on in spirit form.


***Note: All client identifiers have been changed to protect anonymity and confidentiality.







By Susan Crimmins, Feb 7 2017 09:46PM

After a lengthy period of experiencing flip-flops (180 degree changes) and looping, I’ve decided to move! For months in my meditations there has been the suggestion of a move and I have spent too many hours wondering how geography would call me to my next location. Researching different locales, feeling like it would have to be in nature, yet close to urban cultures, I began to fantasize about how wonderful it could be to be with horses around the clock in a setting that facilitated their being horses.


However, as soon as I started fantasizing, other, less positive, thoughts began to come into my consciousness. How could I possibly have a place with horses? I know SO little about their physical needs, so little about medical anything really, as it has been a known area of “tuning out” for me historically. I questioned my competence, my commitment and my courage in manifesting this dream. In short, I enacted an energetic cancelling or back-stepping reversal about what I wished to manifest. When I realized what I was doing, I began to laugh, then cry—releasing emotions that characterized a familiar dance of mine for too many years. The words “obstacles in my path,” came into my mind, and I knew then that I had to clear my head. How many of us have impeded our own progress by getting in our own way?


Always searching for ways to reveal and heal, I decided to attend a Constellations weekend (the renowned work of Bert Hellinger), where I envisioned some answers would appear. An ardent believer in and practitioner of energy healing, I knew some answers lived in the depths of my consciousness, yet my engagement in the density of the physical world, of late, had been interfering with my ability to access them.

In one particular Constellation enactment, I was guided to connect with my soul’s longing. So when my soul showed up in the constellation as standing separate from my beliefs about the people I thought I needed for my moving forward with horses, I was taken back! In fact, my soul was dancing, as light as a feather, in a swan like fashion that captured my attention in a sensory, mesmerizing way, which elicited tears of relief—I CAN DO THIS! I continued to watch my soul turn in a direction that I had not considered, and was amazed to notice, that although obstacles were present, my soul did not seem to be the least bit concerned about them. I then “heard” my soul whisper that “obstacles are a part of any path involving change or forward movement.” Nothing unusual here, so no need to fret or concern myself with their presence, as they know enough to resolve themselves or to redirect with an ease uniquely all their own.


The constellation also revealed that I had taken on the burden of some “ancestral obstacles,” which did not belong to me—a misappropriation of roles, if you will, where my energy was being spent without any possibility of resolution until I handed back the burden. Spinning in someone else’s belief system requires clear discernment and differentiation as we sort out what is ours and what is something we acquired without our conscious realization. How many times has the opinion or belief system of another influenced our own energetic movement? How many times have we opted for people, places and things which will hinder rather than enhance our life force?


When I became aware that my limitations were self imposed and belonged in another time to other beings, I experienced a sense of embodied liberation and hope. Somehow this was a remarkable “aha” moment for me, as a flood of emotion came forward with relief at its core! It was my mind that had kept me stagnant and stuck and living less than my heart’s desire. I had taken up residence in a house of limiting beliefs convincing myself that I could not move forward because there were too many obstacles in my path. I mistakenly thought they all had to be removed or resolved before I could take action. I had allowed ordinary rocks to grow into boulders in my mind’s eye.


Instead, my soul suggested taking an action, any action, to see what would be revealed next. With each step, something else would be revealed, and any obstacles that showed up would ultimately just be a part of the process of change. I began to laugh at my long held beliefs about obstacles, as I came to recognize that they are great teachers to learn about one’s sense of commitment and trust! Commitment to my soul’s calling and trusting that when we are in alignment, the universe moves at breakneck speed to support and to facilitate the necessary resources coming into focus. Following soul advice, I began to meet new people to spread word of my vision and to explore different ways that I could be with horses in a variety of settings and scenarios.


I knew then it was time to move and to leave my house of limiting beliefs in exchange for a bigger space that had a landscape of limitless possibilities. Universal laws suggest that external conditions mirror and reflect internal ones. If I wanted my external environment to shift, I first had to shift my internal environs. This internal move was a necessary one to get out of my own way in order that my soul could take its place in a more fluid, rhythmic dance, as it had in the constellation. My old house only allowed one view, which centered on obstacles to the extent that I could no longer see what existed beyond them. My new house has a panoramic view that encourages vistas more captivating than my imagination can conjure up. The surrender to beliefs that are large, ridiculous and beyond what one can dream now characterizes my days. With eyes wide open, my vision is clear as I see the horses grazing in the foreground, while I sit on the porch swing manifesting my soul’s next movement ever grateful that my soul sprinted forward and inspired my courage to move.





By Susan Crimmins, Jan 4 2016 04:32PM

When I woke up this past Thanksgiving morning all ready to spend my day devoted to gratitude, no one was more surprised than I that my lower back had a different idea. Upon getting out of bed, it went into rolling spasms that lasted for about 10 minutes, and then proceeded to continue to interrupt my peace intermittently throughout the day. Not one to pay too much attention to symptoms as such, immediately I was curious what could be encouraging my back to be speaking so loudly to me? I did all of the usual, alternating ice and heat and some stretches and still, no relief. Trips to urgent care and the ER marked the next few days as the pain escalated and shape shifted into my back and hip, and I then found myself landing in acupuncture experiencing some relief and some intensification because layers of pain were being uncovered and brought forward rapidly. Treatments resulted in severe pain now shooting down my right leg, obstructing my ability to walk.


I don’t know about you, but physical pain is, and has been, one of my bigger fears in life, as far back as I can recall. Unfortunately, when pain is present, one of its key exacerbations is fear! When in physical pain, moving through emotions with a certain amount of ease is crucial to lessening the pain. Breath is instrumental, as a ready assistant to facilitate ease, however, it requires one to be aware and present with its offering—no easy feat when caught up in the spiral of fear and anxiety, which then are reinforced by debilitating pain! The cycle is powerful and can be difficult to interrupt once in full swing. Not to mention the idea that most of us wish to push it or to wish it away, having a disparaging and resentful attitude toward pain and its inconvenient timing of showing up without our permission. So here I was, in a most vulnerable state, with fear escalating to panic due to a mounting inability to remain present with “what is.” I had to reach out to ask for help from friends and acquaintances, as I could not walk nor drive, and this required a healthy dose of humility and surrender in order to get some additional help.


“Pain: a guide into inquiry.” These were the words that came forward in meditation. Okay, I could acknowledge that pain was my guide, but where to begin with the inquiry? I knew enough about pain to realize that it appears when something needs attention that has been neglected. Also, that it is best to view it with dispassionate curiosity and to allow it to inform by saying, yes, I see you and I hear you and I most certainly feel you, and I promise that I will explore all the aspects that brought you to my attention, so that you can return to your proper place and perspective and receive your much deserved exhale. This is the promise I made to myself and to my pain.


Step one of any inquiry is to gather the appropriate resources to facilitate the journeying in the asking of the questions. I knew I had to locate and to identify the “right” healing modality and its respective healer, which would allow me to uncover and discover what was underneath the pain. I had begun with allopathic medicine and no one was able to diagnose accurately what was occurring. The usual suspected culprits of disc compression and sciatica had been ruled out. And instead, prescriptions for multiple medications were offered. I began asking friends and colleagues for their advice and as a result, a chiropractor, who also practiced kinesiology and some “other stuff” that could not be articulated is where I ended up, mostly because he came highly recommended and had an opening that very afternoon.


When I entered his office, I saw the sign “BELIEVE” on the wall, and while lying on the table, the ceiling held another sign that said, “EXPECT A MIRACLE.” I knew I was home. What transpired over a series of sessions fulfilled my promise to myself and to my pain. Guided inquiries, based upon what my body and essence were revealing, which ran from the acute to the chronic engaged multiple levels of BE-ING, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and covered this lifetime as well as previous ones, were facilitated. Themes of injury, trauma and unresolved emotional reactions were addressed and with each session, I felt an ever increasing sense of relief. Each time as he stood over me and allowed his hands to guide him, I was more than aware that this was shamanic healing at its finest.

What transpired was a reawakening of memories, symptoms and visual/auditory/sensory information, which I began to identify as important missing pieces to the puzzle of this life’s journey. Constellations of information came forward, as the picture started to come into focus for issues that had me worried, confused, and left hanging for years. Grace. Underneath the progressively lessening pain, Grace sat, waiting patiently for my acknowledgment. I extended my gratitude to her and for her benevolence in showing herself to me.


There really is no growth without some kind of pain or discomfort, at least as far as I have experienced and witnessed? It takes time in darkness to appreciate more the presence of light. As it turns out, my fear of pain in this life was a leftover from a previous life, which got resolved in this recent healing “crisis.” I also learned that the true shamans out there are typically not named as such. They operate underneath “cloaks” of other credentials, maybe a part of humility or maybe just so we, as seekers, can realize that layers are everywhere to be peeled back before true Grace can be seen?


Wishing you in 2016 a host of experiences that feed your soul and allow you to locate gently how Grace is present in your life!

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